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Just like a loaded gun
http://20six.co.uk/queen_bee
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the entries
nicked from miss amy
1. My ex is still...a bullying cheating thug 2. I am listening to...muse. unusual for me :S 3. Maybe I should... NOT have drank out of date booze and whole loads more booze last night when i knew i had to be at the rememberence day parade at 10am today.
4. I love... belgian chocolate. mmmmmm! 5. My best friend(s)...are the ones who are family to me, who love me and have my love back, who mean the world to me 6. I don't understand...myself
7. I lost...my silver bracelets 
8. People say... that women and football dont mix grrrrr!
9. The meaning of my screen name is..cos bees are the nicknames for the football team and fans of the team i support, and queen shows that im a female one :S lol
10. Love is...hard to find, easy to lose. complicated, meaningful, and powerful. the most powerful four lettered word i can think of!
11. Somewhere, someone is... watching over us
12. I will always...be awkward, dippy and clumsy!
13. Forever seems...silly
14. I never ever want to...hurt people the way ive been hurt
15. My mobile phone is...next to me wanting some credit
16. When I woke up this morning...i was still drunk. very drunk!
17. I get annoyed..with the mistakes i make
18. Parties are...always a laugh 19. My pet is...dead
20. Kisses are the best when... they've been waited for
21. Today I...marched for ages in a rememberence day parade, leading all my girls, and trying to keep in a straight line and not collapse oops. then i ate belgain chocolate cheesecake which was heavenly hehe
22. Tomorrow I will...go to work, then to the youth group i run and shout at them for not having many turn up this morning hehe
23. I really want...to get fit n healthy again, and to have the courage to do the things i have to do!
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sooo
Don't know why, but i just felt impulsed to blog here! So whats been happening in the life of me since i last blogged here 4 months back?? Not much really, went back to work after the summer break, which i now hate. Work leaves me stressed and upset on a daily basis, i want to look for a new job, but i dont know if i want to be a teacher anymore, and i don't know where else to start looking as i don't have any proper qualifications. I started a new relationship a couple months back, which i now regret. I feel like such a bitch for the way things have happened, but the guy is a bit younger than me, and this seems to be more of a problem than i ever thought it would be. He is really unhappy, and seems to rely upon me an awful lot at the moment, and seemed to rush things ever so quickly, after just a couple of weeks of being with him he told me hes fallen for me, then that he loves me, and soon after that i was his world, he would fall apart without me, im all he has, and then he told me that he is in love with me. I honestly can't say i feel the same was back at all! He keeps deciding that i want to break up with him, when i dont at all, then he gets all upset and funny with me. He keeps questioning me about "us", and putting words into my mouth, and pressurises me into telling him exactly whats wrong when im upset about something, even the stuff i really dont like talking about - ie family problems. Then theres the other problem, where i've been a total idiot and realised that i still really, really like a guy ive been close to for absolutley ages. This guy doesnt know about my bf, and has recently told me that he really really likes me too, and has asked me out. I didn't say yes, but i never said no either. I just made some joke about it. Argh. Then putting work and boys aside, theres all the family problems atm. Things are pretty bad, they got really bad during the summer holidays, then after my brother moved out, it all calmed down and for the first time in years and years i was getting on with my mum really, really well. Any that made me feel so amazingly good! But in the last few weeks, my dad has flipped, i've never seen him so bad, really upsetting my mum and me, deciding that i'm not his daughter. He's been angry to my mum many times in the past, but she always gets on with things. This time tho, shes really hurt by it, ive never seen her so unhappy and fed up. Just don't know what to do about it
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the goss
hey people! time for all the gossip me thinks! Ok so yesterday was my birthday, and my god i know i planned on getting drunk, but not so drunk that i chucked up in the club and passed out in the middle of the pavement outside the club. oops. But it was a wicked night, saw a mate who i haven't seen since last october, spent most the night with him, and ended up getting off with him, oops. I went dressed as a nurse, wearing a white corset, the tiniest white denim mini skirt ever, a nurses hat, nurses apron, a little red first aid cross i made which i pinned to my corset, and shiny red shoes hehe. i looked like a complete tart, but hey its all good. I never realised just how many blokes would chat me up just cos of that outfit, and the amount of free drinks i got off total strangers, what a result hey?! I also saw a guy who i used to get on really well and close with until some bastards slagged me off to him, this was last year, so when i saw him we just talked alot and sorted things out, even got an apology off him! I had such a wicked night :D 
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update
Hellooo, sorry i never seem to know what to write on here these days, so i end up writing nothing. Stuff has happened, i've cried, i've laughed, i've made mistakes, i've fallen for another guy hehe. I've now fallen for the guy who used to like a mate of mine, a mate who never liked him back. In fact she can't stand this guy, but the 2nd time i met him i was an idiot and kissed him (this was back in April) and my mate got really annoyed with me about it. Not the reaction she should have had if she truly wasn't interested in him. So back then she admitted to me she did like him, but only a bit, and didnt want anything to happen between them. Well me and this guy have gotten to know each other pretty well since then, and both admitted we don't regret what happened between us that time, and theres just something about him that makes me smile and makes me feel like a school girl with a big crush which makes me giggle every time i see or talk to him. Well hopefully he'll come out for my birthday, which is next week yayyyy! I have been so busy planning, rearranging, cancelling, planning again, rearranging, cancelling again, and finally sorting and planning again my birthday. Final plans are now sorted, just going to a club with all my mates, and i've made it a fancy dress night, with the theme being the emergency services! yayyyy! Only problem is i don't actually have an outfit, and don't even have an idea what to go as! Now money isn't too much of a problem, so i can afford to go and buy a whole complete new outfit. I have until next wednesday to get the outfit sorted, but only really have friday afternoon and sunday free to go and look. Any ideas what i can be?!
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rejection
Grrrr! I have now been stood up/had dates cancelled twice in 7 days! How much does that suck?! Ohhh well, another lonely night at home for me, watching the game on my tiny bedroom tv. booooooooooooooooooooooooo!
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in the middle of nowhere with a pick n bix bag of feelings
Hellooooo, been a week since i last blogged, unusual for me. Mainly because i have had nothing of interest to say. On wednesday i was supposed to be going out for the night with the guy i met a couple months back in twickenham, the one i went out with a couple of times then kinda stopped talking to. Well i wasn't too keen on seeing him again, but he had been persistant in asking to see me again, then the night came, and i was ready and waiting for him, meeting time came and went, then i get a text saying he was running 45 minutes late. Now i would normally be a bit annoyed but i'd wait but his excuse was that he had just got home from football. Now i know that was a lie becuase 1) we had arranged that time so he had plenty of time to get home from football, get ready and come and meet me, and 2) because in fact he had been on msn all afternoon and evening. He must have thought i was really stupid to believe that. I told him not to bother coming anymore, and he got angry wih me, swearing and insulting and all that, saying he was on his way home. hang on a minute, the last text he said he was already home! next text he said he'd had to take his mate to hospital with a broken ankle. that was it for me, lying about something like that as an escuse for being so late to meet me! anyway after that i was angry, upset, then releived. happy that finally i'd got him out of my life, and it was all his own doing. saturday night was spent with loads of mates sitting by richmond river all night long, from 9pm til 4am! Was a lovely night to be able to sit, relax and chat to my friends, some i haven't seen in ages, and have a drink, drink more, play guitars, sing along and dance about, and have lots of random strangers come and sit with us too! Great night! now for the confusion part. tomorrow i have arranged to meet up with a guy i met through my mates, i know he used to like my mate, but she said she didnt like him, and even recently she has said how much she doesn't like him. Once however me and this guy drunkenely got a bit too close, and my friend got really annoyed with me for that. Since that happened me and the guy have chatted loads, and become mates, now last night when we were arranging to meet up, i just felt so excited, and i realised how much i like this guy. Sounds stupid i know, but he makes me laugh, makes me feel so happy, make me feel safe and i feel so comfy around him and feel like i can talk to him about anything. He then randomly bought up the time we got too close, and said how he doesn't regret it at all, and that if his mates come out with us too tomorrow, then he doesnt want them coming anywhere near me. I'm so confused. I think i really like him, but i feel like i can't do anything about it becuase of my friend. hmmm. help!
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turky
Good morning! Oh i love this weather so so much, i'm like a lizard hehe. On friday i went away for a few days camping by the river. I loved it so so much, sleeping in a hammock in the trees, jumping in the river, swimming in the river, kayaking in the river, and just lazing about soaking up the sun. Although i did get pretty burnt, didn't tan at all, and got eaten by so many insects, i have at least 8 great big insect bites all over me, and i have no bite cream here at home Oh, i also some how worked out that trying to fit a tent back in its bag is like stuffing a turkey. Don't ask!! How are you all?!
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